Thoughts are not Actions

It was recently brought to my attention that planning on asking a guy out is not the same as actually doing it. Sounds simple enough, but it was a light bulb moment so to speak. I’ll readily admit that there’s a disconnect between the thoughts and the things that I say in my head, and what I actually end up acting on. People would be shocked to know that this goody two shoes is actually one horny son of a gun! Don’t most guys think about sex ninety percent of the time? Scientific research confirms this, and I'm hardly an exception to the rule. Over time I have learned to self-censor any behaviors that aren’t remotely PG rated. I am not perceived as a sexual person as much as a good friend to confide in and ask for help. Being on autopilot meant never taking any risks and constantly playing it safe. Well that worked well for me when I wasn’t ready to accept myself, but that's now behind me. Ultimately I am cheating myself and those around me by not acting on my thoughts.

But then a funny thing happened this weekend. My university kicked off a 1.6 billion dollar capital campaign in a huge white air conditioned tent (think of a multi-million dollar celebrity wedding)with a lavish evening celebration. Earlier in the day I had seen some of the pretty boy male event planners and even made eye contact with them. I even passed by the hot performers in their tight black tank tops and tights! The highlight of this event was a Cirque du Soleil style performance, which to my delight couldn’t have possibly been any more homoerotic. My favorite part was two incredibly athletic male performers who performed series of elaborate kama sutra style poses where they supported each others body weight. All of this with one performers crotch passing over the other’s face and vice versa! It was truly mind blowing that this was a "family safe" event. They were shirtless and wore tight velvet dance tights, and what wouldn’t I have done to have had the super cute, compactly built crotch rocket?! I guess my university designed the performance to appeal to all demographics, and let me tell you, it worked.

I ended up sitting next to two of my gay friends (what were the odds with 1,800 in attendance) so we talked afterwards over food. The same forward guy who I mentioned in the bbq post was pointing across the room at random campus Casanovas asking if they were my type. I’m all for directness, but seriously man don’t you think I know what I want by now? Guess I need all of the help that I can get and shouldn't pass up any opportunities, but that's bad form. Next time lets be a bit more discrete when the university president is only 5 feet away! It was all good fun, then I met baseball player for dinner with the intent to come out to him. We went to a pedestrian area a couple of miles from campus with an eclectic mix of ethnic restaurants and bars and walked around before settling on the Crescent Moon. Good choice! Something must have been in the air because I continued to make eye contact with passers by, and baseball even proceeded to share with me intimate details about his own life which guys normally don’t talk about. Unfortunately he made a comment that curbed my plans to come out to him, but time is waning. I’ll never live down my squeaky clean reputation if I don’t get the ball rolling. That’s going to take some serious action on my part.

An update on Chase and another lead to come…