Putting Central CA on the Map

This truly touched my heart when I came across the headline on Towleroad.com earlier this afternoon in between classes. Never would I have thought that such progress would be made in the central valley, arguably one of the most socially and politically conservative regions in the state. A red puddle in the middle of a blue state if you will. Although Fresno is the sixth largest city in the golden state, at times it feels as backwards and closed-minded as a rural hamlet, population 6. Fresno's cultural cognate is considered to be Tulsa, Oklahoma minus the former "Oil Capitol of the World"'s art deco skyscrapers, lush rolling hills, and storied past which turned farmers into millionaires overnight. The point being that Oklahoma is regarded as the buckle of the bible belt as is Fresno.

All things considered, it took extraordinary courage for this priest to risk losing his conservative congregation altogether by taking a stand against Proposition 8 and coming out in such a public manner. I'm moved that half of his congregation stood behind him, but I'm also saddened by how much additional progress will be necessary to truly achieve equality for all Americans. Granted I'm optimistic and see a glass half full. It's genuinely humbling to see that not all Christians in central California feel it's necessary to secede from the Episcopal church as soon as a gay bishop, Gene Robinson of New Hampshire was ordained. That's a whole post unto itself. Point being, mindsets are slowly changing even if its half a congregation at a time. All of this because one person came out. Now that's encouraging!

Fresno, California Priest Comes Out As Gay, Speaks Out Against Prop 8
Now here's an exemplary Christian.

Father Geoffrey Farrow of the Saint Paul Newman Center in northeast Fresno received a standing ovation from half his congregation after offering up a sermon about loving thy neighbor and then urging his congregation to vote against Proposition 8, the California measure that would ban same-sex marriage. He also came out to the local ABC news reporter in an interview following his mass.

Said Farrow to his congregation: "In directing the faithful to vote 'yes' on Proposition 8 the California bishops are not merely entering the political arena, they are ignoring the advances and insights of neurology, psychology, and the very statements made by the church itself that homosexuality is innate."

He added: "I know that these words of truth will cost me dearly. But to withhold them would be far more costly and I would become accomplice to a moral evil that strips gay and lesbian people of their civil rights but of their human dignity as well."

He said that questions from his parishioners needing direction on how they should vote, as well as his own conscience inspired him to give the sermon and come out of the closet.

Farrow has been an ordained Catholic priest for 23 years.

Watch the local news footage here http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=6431105

Off to get some sleep because conquests can't be made with an absent mind. More later!

The Many Faces of Chase

Have you ever pondered the meaning behind a name? Probably not since it’s such a random topic, but I realized the other day THREE of my crushes on various levels, including my current one, have had shared the name Chase. Interestingly enough, they have all been on the preppy side of the spectrum with trim builds and long wavy dark blonde/medium brown hair. A mere coincidence? I think not. After all what else can you expect from a boy’s name that is of English and Old French origin that means “hunter?” It was derived from the last name (surname) that translates to “huntsman.” I know, how WASPY, but from my (albeit limited) experience guys named Chase needed to be hunted or rather chased after.

Meet “Collegiate” Chase.


This picture captures the essence of Chase whom I met freshman year when we lived on the same hall. His roommate was in our “Breakfast Club” meaning that I saw lots of Chase. This motley crew was my innermost circle freshman year. The six of us all had 8:30AM classes so we met at the dining hall at 8 to commiserate over coffee and cereal. On the weekends we would cram into a claustrophobic dorm room to watch a movie and sleepover or we’d have DDR contests (Digital Dance Revolution, not exactly our finest hour) since first years couldn’t have cars on campus per university rules. We were behind the curve in that we didn't discover alcohol until sophomore year. Interesting fact: all three of the guys in the "club" including myself were closeted at this time. I’m the only one who has come out, the other two haven’t accepted themselves just yet. FYI, this was one of the salacious conversations that went down at the LGBT bbq where the general consensus confirmed my suspicions.

The guys in Breakfast Club were all from relatively conservative backgrounds, but none more so than Collegiate Chase. This Georgia Boy had a twang you wouldn’t believe and was about as southern as they come (red Mustang convertible with monogrammed vanity plates, Coke with every meal including breakfast, and a mother with blonde hair that defied gravity no doubt thanks to cans of hairspray.) As a sheltered only child he returned to his small North GA town every weekend to only return on Monday with brand new Polo outfits for the coming week. We liked to joke that he never did laundry!

I can still remember during orientation how I was taken with his deep tan, perfectly coiffed Farah Faucet hair, and his beyond outrageous preppy gear. If he doesn’t have skin cancer by our 20th class reunion I swear no one will! This Chase liked to model himself after Indiana Jones which I believe factored prominently into his decision to become an anthropology major. He even enjoyed looking the part these past two years with his Ray Ban Aviators and olive green felt wool hat a la Indy. My roommate had a crush on him this past semester, but I didn’t want to see her heartbroken so I told her about my reservations.

I digress, but check out the snarky sartorial commentary by clicking on the above photo. Preppy or just gay? Now that’s the question to ponder both for the model photographed and Chase's case. Tough call, but too many red flags in Chase's case.

Now meet “Celebrity” Chase.


Don’t ask me why, but this Chase (google Jesse Spencer) did it for me during the darkest days of my junior year. It was during this period last year when I finally started acknowledging my attraction to guys but was scared of losing the friends, accomplishments, and lifestyle that I had worked so hard to secure. This cute-as-a-button Chase was a safe target since there was obviously no risk involved. It allowed me to shamelessly acknowledge my feelings and make eye contact for longer than two miliseconds. I remember that I even found his character’s high maintenance if not downright prissy persona on House to be adorable. Perhaps that was naivete on my part because I couldn't differentiate purely physical attraction from the powerful mutual affection that forms the basis for relationships. I suppose most people tune in to to enjoy Dr. House’s (British comedian Hugh Laurie) cynical antics, but this budding mo was all about catching Celebrity Chase’s sexy blue eyes. I’m busted! Thankfully this dormant phase come to pass when I felt comfortable enough to start exploring the possibilities that surrounded me in real life. I slowly came out of the closet over the remainder of the year and this summer. Then a tangable Chase entered my life! Thanks Celebrity Chase for being there, you got me to accept myself for who I truly am without feeling ashamed and you gave me a taste for what it's like to truly be living.

Last but certainly not least, meet my current crush: Chase!


Pictures really can't do him justice because Chase has the most adorable smile that you have ever seen and he's full of life! He’s truly original in the sense that you really can’t really categorize him. Yours truly is hopelessly smitten by this tall, lanky Art History major with dark hair and a killer sense of style. Guys like this don’t stay on the market for long so moves need to be made NOW! A new POA (plan of action) is in place so I just need implement it and quit being so darn nervous to follow through. Wish me luck so that I have can share good tidings!

Oh, and have any of you guys noticed similarities between guys with the same name like this or is this just a freak occurrence? Do certain names do it for you more than others? I’m not necessarily a superstitious person, but it seems as though it might be a message. I let the other Chases slip through my hands, and I’m not about to let it happen again since life is much too short for missed opportunities.

On to the chase of the proverbial huntsman who’s waiting to be hunted!

Blue jeans brunch and the Spanish Girl

Originally I was going to post about a couple of epiphanies that I had this past weekend, but the breaking news is too good to keep to myself. I’m going to burst with joy if I keep it to myself much longer!

So here goes… Wednesday morning I didn’t have to report for work which meant that I didn’t roll out of bed at 5AM like a zombie per usual. Instead, the sun was shining and my first thought was to look nice for Chase in class this morning. Why the hell not? Normally I would grab whatever was at the end the rack or settle for my default cream colored university athletics t-shirt which has been entering the rotation with increasing frequency. However, this was a new day and I picked out a striped polo shirt and some sweet shorts. In the process I managed to shortchange myself time wise and was late despite driving instead of the walking/running in to campus. I hate being late!

Thankfully I managed to slip in unobtrusively to find that the only open seat was right next to Chase. Oh my god, here was my opportunity!! The seats are extremely close together (shoulder to shoulder) and they are those old fashioned wooden notetaker chairs with the small writing tablet attached. As soon as I settled in, unintentionally giving Chase an eye level view of my backside as I turned to fit into the small desk opening, Chase put his elbow on my desk just inches from my hand while I was pretending to take notes. Truth to be told I don’t remember anything from that lecture! Just how Chase smelled, how sexy it felt to be able to feel all of his body movements through my desk, and to be so close to such a cute guy. This could be seriously detrimental to my GPA, but there’s more to life than numbers. Don’t get me wrong, I am conscientious and hard working, but this is just too damn good to pass up! I’m young and optimistic, and for the first time am ready to take a chance. No more calculated decisions for potential payoff far into the future and putting myself last. It starts HERE and NOW!

I laugh thinking about how the professor must have noticed my perma-grin that was present the entire lecture. For the first time I felt truly free in that I really didn’t care if she or other people realized what was going on. I felt completely safe, and I absolutely melted in the sense that I wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable and give in to my emotions. Holy sh-t, now that’s a feeling! Chase, all I can say is I hope its mutual baby!

So back to what I was originally going to say. Last Saturday I met my younger brother, who also attends the same university, to catch up over Chinese. I see him less now that we are within a one mile radius than I did when we were on opposite coasts during my first two years in college. Thankfully we can reconnect and be caught up within three minutes because we know each other that well. I asked him if there were any cute coeds on the horizon, and he preceded to tell me about this tall, attractive blonde whom we have dubbed Spanish Girl. My brother is sweet and all, but is clueless when it comes to making moves and chatting someone up! On a second thought I’m not really one to talk, but I have an opportunity to prove myself by giving things a shot with Chase. With some encouragement and ego stroking that only a big brother knows how to provide my brother was on his way. The next day my mom called and we ended up talking about how I need to help my brother pursue Spanish Girl. Well, what about me?! Don't I also have feelings, and do I deserve anything less in the way of relationships than her other son? I believe that she still isn’t really comfortable asking about my personal life since I came out to her just a little over a month ago. It’ll take time, but I want to be able to share my happiness with her because I know she worries about my well-being and my future. It occurred to me when I was out running that I can set a good example for my brother by walking the talk and turning my thoughts into actions with Chase. Perhaps mom will be ready for me to share more of my life with her when she sees how upbeat I am now. Friends and professors have commented that I seem to be more alive than ever so something’s working!

Last but not least, I met one of my closer gay friends, D, to attend the blue jeans brunch that was being sponsored by the Gay and Lesbian Alumni Association. Sure we were college students in it for free food, but I figured that it would be a good experience to step into that realm again after my success at the bbq. We quickly realized that it was NOT a drop in affair. It was a dialogue which had started over an hour ago so we bolted! Something touching happened during our three hour lunch that followed. We shared deeply personal experiences about coming out. It’s human nature to believe that we are the only ones suffering the paralyzing inability to embrace our true selves, and settling for just going through the motions. We rob ourselves of so many opportunities to be happy and fulfilled while more or less imprisoning ourselves in largely mental sense. At least that was my experience. My socially conservative “town” which is over 100,000 people but feels like its only 100 the way the society is stratified. It seemingly impossible for me to accept myself. D told me about how in rural Louisiana he had found the single gay bar for miles around online. After high school school was out for the day he preceded to visit it and walked around the block five times to muster the courage to enter while looking over his shoulder to see if family members or acquaintances were around. Sadly there was not much to see inside since there were no patrons at 4PM that afternoon, but it was a poignantly symbolic experience. I admire all of the younger people who paved the way to my coming out at 23, and deeply respect the courage that they demonstrated to be themselves at such a young age.

Back to living!